Curt Schilling Still Does Good Even If His Employer Hates Him

While most players seem to steal the limelight with their poor decisions and philandering ways, there are many athletes who strive to do better. One such guy is Curt Schilling.

I remember (rather vividly) watching Curt pitch in 1993 when he was part of the Phillies World Series team. He was really young then (but I was younger, so who really is more impressive?) but his grit was clear.

Curt has a son who has been diagnosed with ALS, and seventeen years ago he started a charity Curts Pitch 4 ALS. Every now and then Real Sports or some local news affiliate will do a fluff piece on the program, but Curt pushes through even when the cameras aren't on him. Like now.

This season he has been embroiled in a fight with the Red Sox over whether or not he should have surgery, and has been forced to opt out of doing so. All the press has circled around those circumstances.

Yet, he continues to travel with his team, and while in Japan this week has already met with a local ALS fund raiser. He's also adjusted his giving premise (previously he gave $1,000 for every one of his strikeouts) because he wouldn't be playing. He instead selected a local pitcher (that's a lot of pressure) and has also decided to give the same amount to the Japanese ALS society for every strike out Dice-K has.

I can't imagine the strain that is put on a family when you find out one of your children has such a debilitating disease, but the Schillings have handled it with grace, and deserve a ton of respect for the great work they've done.

From 38 Pitches

Ghosts In The Dallas Area, Stay Away From Fruit

Yesterday I was ecstatic (I know, you can't see me getting all giddy and soft, like a teenage girl who just met that Hannah Bute Montana chick, but it happens... everyday... when you're not around) to learn that 'dem Boys might be looking to sign Pacman Jones.

I've always loved Pacman (yea, I'm gonna link to my old articles... leave me alone... why must you judge me? I'm no longer ecstatic,) not because he's been personally responsible for crippling another human being (cause that is really messed up) but because his status as a walking punchline has twisted his story straight out of reality.

He's been suspended from the NFL for the last year, but as far as I can see he has never been convicted of the major crimes of which he's been accused.

Imagine, if you will (cause you will, and you will like it) that someone shoves you in a bar, and then sues you for assault after you shatter your beer mug over his head in self defense (I mean the first one was self defense. When you went to the glass blower to have the mug rebuilt, then found him at another bar, well that was just revenge for when that dude stole your girl and gave you herpes.) Then, even though you haven't gone to trial, your employer (if you're reading this blog it's either Bear Sterns or McDonald's...) fires you.

Now, obviously that Pacman ain't a genius. He continues to go to strip clubs, even though he always gets in some sort of incident whenever he enters. (I also think this is blown out of proportion. Jones is from a culture that celebrates strip clubs, just like Pedro Martinez and cock fighting, Mike Vick and dog fighting and white people and St. Patrick's Day fighting.)

But, if our country is supposed to have some quirky Innocent Before Proven Guilty rule, (which by the way if that isn't seven movie titles I'd be disappointed (according to IMDB there was one TV show, and another that was inverted...witty writers)) shouldn't our constitution also be applied to jobs?

Well until it does I'm going on strike... from visiting outdoor urinals... NO MORE. (especially ones with video cameras.)

Whatchyou Sued Over Oprah?

So life continues to be hectic, with random job interviews coming in, but I'm still holding out for that "full service" hotdog cart vendor opportunity. Anyway...

I saw Oprah was being sued by a show attendee who felt she was treated a little roughly during a Dec. 5, 2006 filming. (I hear she was asking for it... She just had one of the faces.)

She is being sued for $50,000.

Ironically that is the exact amount of money you would have to pay me to get me to go see Oprah's show being filmed.

I really just wanted an excuse to publish a picture of Oprah... cause the big O = ratings.... oh you mean a different kind of O... what else starts with O? (Ostracized? Ostriches?)

Got it.

Now give me my money.

Via Drudge.

Slacking Off

So I've had a lot going on the past few days, but tomorrow I should have an actual written piece. I also finally got to watch some of last weeks SNL. Check this out, but stick with it, cause it does get really funny. Focus on Kristin Wiig, she is brilliant.

A Special Day To Head Down To The Old Pub Instead

St. Patrick's Day is a very special one to me, since I hate all people named Patrick. Instead of explaining why it's relevant to sports or any such jibberish, I just wanted to watch muppets. (via Boing Boing)



I was going to throw in some Stephen Lynch, but his St. Patrick's song always makes me feel a little queezy. Just like that time I walked in on OFLJ in the shower. That led to a very awkward moment (that was easier to put into video form.



Happy St. Pahty's day! And seriously OFLJ, I'm not into that.

A Birdman By Any Other Name

As some of you know I am fascinated by The Birdman, as I believe everyone should be. He was a mediocre player, always on mediocre teams, who garnered a lot of attention and a nickname far superior to his talent.

Today, tragically, I have learned he no longer considers himself, the Birdman.

He realized he couldn't carry the name after he hit rock bottom:

""I always had control over [drinking]. It was just when everything hit me all at once it was just like, 'What do I do? I'll find the answer at the bottom of a bottle,' " Andersen said. " 'That one didn't have the answer. Maybe I'll go to the next one. That wasn't there, try cans.' There wasn't no answers at the bottom of no cans.""

My only question is, who actually says "I'll find the answer at the bottom of this bottle," about themselves. Isn't that a cliche? Don't you literally try to numb your pain, not solve it.

I also like that he was crazy enough to have an actual conversation with himself. "Hey, Chris, how are you doing today?" "Fantastic, Chris! Let's go make a mockery out of the NBA." "Sounds fantastic, Chris... But first lets search for thing in bottles." "That'd be swell Chris! I am a racist." "That's a lie, Chris, and I hate you." (end scene)

I hope what he meant was he was searching for answers under the lids of bottles. Or in fortune cookies.

Here's hoping he takes my suggestion for his new name, The 3.5 Million Dollar Bench-Warmer (T3MDBW). It's not original, but it's way more accurate than his previous one.

Important Questions

Every now and then I'll take too much time putting together a question for you to ponder. So ponder.

If The X Games Were Filmed Like This I Would Watch

I love seeing a video of a "newscaster" doing something I probably would have done because I don't think things out enough.




"Hey guys, lets film these guys sledding, but I'm gonna start outside their path, and then walk between while they come down the hill. This can't fail! Emmy here we come!"

From Deadspin

Headlines Is Dumb

Usually when I come across a bad headline I let it go, because I've made my share of mistakes, but this one made me recoil in horror.

Flyers' Downie Gets Shot After Being Benched.

If that doesn't make you want to read more I don't know what will.

Maybe "Flyers' Downie Mauled By A Metaphorical Bear."

I'm guessing Jason Blake finally got his revenge.

The Haitian Sensation and Other Thoughts That Don't Make Sense

I remember back when the 76ers drafted Samuel Dalembert and I labeled him the Haitian Sensation (I wish I was that witty... I'm sure someone else did it first but it doesn't make the name any less great... jerks.)

The day he was drafted I remember Dick Jerardi of the Daily News saying it maybe the worst draft pick ever, and I laughed… “Oh, you” I said…

Since then he’s missed almost two complete seasons, and continues to struggle with the idea that while blocks come easy if you fly recklessly out of control… so do very easy shots for the other teams on the 9 out of 10 times you miss. Oh and offense... don't get crazy.

The point being, Sami has not always been my favorite player. Now he has come out and said the game isn’t fun, which is apparently because he isn’t playing enough. (Even though he's averaging 33 minutes a game, which is a career high.)

What is most pitiful here is that this is the first time is Sami's storied career that the Sixers are actually winning, other than his first year, when he didn't play (which made the team better.)

They might even make the playoffs and this fool isn't having a good time? They've gone 12-3
in their last 15 (that would be sixteen if A were counting) and that's not enough to get him excited about getting up in the morning.

So how can we help him? Here are some ideas.

1. Have a hockey demonstration at half time.

Sam loves hockey... especially when he can watch the little ball, man.


2. Encourage players to drape themselves in the flag while sitting on the bench.


This is the happiest I've ever seen Sami, other than the video above, and I think it's because the flag is his natural clothing. Once he leaves it's comfortable confines he is like a baby kangaroo lost in the wilderness.

3. Play one game in Haiti.


Sure, they're constantly at war and haven't had a stable government since... well, since Christopher Columbus started messing things up in 1492, but I'm sure with the NBA's new global outreach programs there's an opportunity to sell a pair of shoes or a jersey or something to the entire country. That's money in the pocket.

4. Have a fake afro give-a-way during the next game.



Did Sami ever look better?

So, I hope all of that can help, or maybe what Sami really needs is what will eventually happen. When the Sixers sneak into the playoffs and get stomped by the Celtics or the Pistons he won't have to worry about losing that losing feeling anymore. He clears buys into the idea that with success bring misery, and hopefully this will one day bring him, to another team.

You Have Chosen.... Poorly

Found this via Boing Boing and it brought me back to a simpler time. I actually just enjoyed the chapter titles, like eaten by cat and maid dies while trapped by cat. I think someone should actually write this book. FREE GHOSTS!

Getting Out Of The Funk(master Flex)

I want to apologize for the somewhat pessimistic nature of the majority of the recent posts. I know most people judge their entire mood by what’s in the blog here, and I feel awful for putting them in a funk. So I’ve found two different ways to brighten your mood.

First Demetri Martin.

Yea, I've never listened to Travis, but I'm a big fan of all one named musicians. (OK just Pink.) Also, if you're feeling down, I have found a great book to inspire dudes (sorry ladies, you'll have to go back to the old faithful.)

It's titled Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me, featuring some big name comedians like Stephen Colbert, Will Forte, Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk and Andy Richter. It was compiled by a former Daily Show producer Ben Karlin.

While each story isn't great most of them succeeded in at least making me smile, some making me laugh out loud. Chapters include Oswalt's "Dating A Stripper Is a Recipe for Perspective" and Richter's "Girls Don't Make Passes at Boys with Fat Asses."

I didn't identify with every story necessarily, but the ones that did were absolutely incredible. I also want to make sure it's clear that this is not some inspirational wallowing in the past collection. Instead it's just a goofy set of stories that give some perspective to life.

So go to the bookstore, and just check out the first passage, written by Karlin's mother entitled "I Think My Son Is a Catch." If it doesn't make you laugh... well I actually can't judge you for that... it just worked for me.

He's tall, but not too. He runs marathons and scales mountains. And of course he has those gorgeous blue eyes. And on top of it all, he's funny. Of course I didn't think everything he did was so funny when he was a kid. I used to tell him "that's not so funny" all over the house. Back then I called him a smart aleck but now I call him "creative." If you make money from being a smart aleck, you're creative. If you don't make money you're a putz.

If You Can't Cheat, Steal: The AJ Price Story

Today I happened across an article (I had really hoped it would be a charticle... a las) featuring AJ Price’s comments after losing to Providence last night. He was apparently upset at the way the fans and players carried themselves after upsetting his UConn team for the second time this season.

“Real disrespectful," Price said of the Friars without a hint of sarcasm or hesitation. "They don't know how to win, and it showed. They were laughing, mocking. I usually have a lot of respect for other teams, but they showed a lack of respect last game. They beat up on us and made a mockery of it."...

"We'll be ready to go. ... We want to blow them out. That's what we're going there to play for."

Personally, I’m amazed at Price’s audacity. Let me bring you back in time to a story that seems to have been completely ignored this year.

When AJ Price started at UConn he had a brain aneurism during practice. I can imagine that’s a rocky (road) way to start your freshman year, and he was forced to sit out the remainder of the season. That’s sad, I agree, but what’s not sad is the following season when he sat out for stealing laptops with his buddy Marcus Williams (Williams was only suspended for the equivalent of 8 games, while Price had to sit out the rest of the year.)

I’ll still never understand why Williams and Price received different punishments (oh yeah… Williams was much better and Jim Calhoun is shady) but I also don’t get how guys who go through what Price did can come out being this cocky and arrogant.

If fans want to celebrate that’s their prerogative, and if you’re feeling were hurt, it’s time to grow up. You lost, and they celebrated by laughing? Is that really the worst possible thing they could have done? I mean at least they didn’t make you go through this.

I Didn't Expect To Wake Up Today And Deal With This

Such a quote is usually attributed when someone dies... or leaves the Green Bay Packers.




Am I the only person a little freaked out by that video? I mean, Sean Taylor didn't get that kind of love, and he actually passed away. Brett Favre was a great player, but these people act like he came into their homes every week and massaged their cats.

I can't think of anyone else who could retire and get this kind of love. The only thing that came close was the series finale of According to Jim, and that was only because people were sad at losing one of the easiest shows to mock since Tracy Morgan's show was canceled for not making sense.

A Dream Is A Sandwish Your Heart Makes

More Coming Soon...

The Birdman Flies In Any Weather... Unless He Gets Tested Beforehand

A day off can do magical things for a person… it can lead to many thoughts.

Please don’t recommend something by telling me I’m going to love it. That is way to much pressure. Now if I don’t love it I feel like I’m disappointing you, and that sucks. Also please don’t pee on my bed and tell me it’s raining. My bed is indoors and you are a liar.

Today is a one of the most important days in my natural life (in the sense that every current day is the most important because it means you’re still alive.) Today is the day that Chris Andersen officially returns to the NBA.

Why is that important, you ask (snarky jerk). Well mainly because Andersen is home to one of the NBA’s greatest nicknames, The Birdman. (What happened to that boy? (that’s a rapping joke… wrong crowd… that would have killed in Harlem.... of course I might have been killed... so looks like I can't win on this one.))

I believe that there has never been a less deserving player of such a great nickname. Think of all the skill and grace that it implies, and the fact that it’s stuck on this chucklehead who can’t even finish a dunk during a dunk contest.

Current guys like Tim Duncan (The Big Fundamental) and Dwayne Wade (Flash) have pretty mediocre name. Kobe and Lebron don’t even have them, but I guess that’s what happens why you can go by one name. Shaq changes his every week (Diesel, the Big Aristotle, the Small Extra Cheese Little Caesar.)

The great names seem to be all but gone and instead we’ve taken to given the names to people that should never get off the bench (mine used to be MF which actually stood for Midget Forward, but a referee once completely misunderstood that one and almost threw my buddy KJ out of a game for calling me it.)

Andersen has been sitting out for two years because he failed a mystery drug test (no one will say what he was one but we can be sure of a few things. It certainly wasn’t performance enhancing, so it was probably Airborne) and ESPN still insists on calling him Chris “Birdman” Andersen in every article. For a guy who averaged 4 field goal attempts in his career, that’s impressive.

Sadly, all the smart nickname people have gone to NASCAR. When Smoke faces Herman the German yet they both lose out the The Candyman and Cousin Earl, you know you’ve seen something good. (Those are real nicknames, along with Sliced Bread.)

I don’t know what’s happened to major sports, but it seems like we’ve been relegated to using initials like LT or AI or just picking a random animal/superhero? What happened to the days of Prime Time and Crime Dog?

I wish I had an answer, but until I do I’m just gonna go try to pick a fight with Sliced Bread… I hear he likes his toast butter side up… and we all know that’s f@#ked up.

Explaining The Eagles Off-Season Using iChat

So lately I've been putting a lot of thought into what the Eagles off-season has meant to me. My finally summary can only be described using pictures taken while having a video chat with A last night. See if you can keep up.... cause I'm sure this will make no sense whatsoever.

Honestly, since the NFL season ended a month ago, the Eagles have taken me on a roller coaster ride.Now I know a lot of people are excited about the acquisition of Asante Samuel, and I guess I get that, but I've always felt he was very overrated player. Samuel has made a career out of jumping routes and catching over thrown balls. I know, it seems impossible, but I'd say one out of every 6 interceptions he has made in his career has actually been impressive. I also spent a while wishing he slept with the fishes when he was torching the Eagles.

The main reason I'm apprehensive, though, is because I know why this signing took place. Whenever teams see a player play well against them, and then that player becomes available, they immediately try to scoop him up. You see it happen time and time again. My favorite was when the Igs played a preseason game against the Pats during which Deitrich Jells lit up the score board with something like four catches for a billion yards (I can't find any actual statistics from that game, but I know it happened.) Immediately afterwards the Eagles cut him and the Patriots picked him up. He didn't make it to the regular season.

No, he didn't die, he was just cut. What kind of sick world do you think this is?

Apparently a very sick world. So, back to the real point, Samuel is not a shut down corner, he's a flashy guy who's going to get burned A LOT. The only reason he performed so well against the Eagles is Donovan seems to be terrible at sight adjustments, and if the corner is going to cover tight and you still throw a WR screen, you will always ALWAYS get burned.

We also signed some guy named Chris Clemons, which means absolutely nothing and will mean absolutely nothing. I know this not because I've done a lot of research, because I haven't, but the Eagles never EVER steal someone in free agency. They never find a guy who developed into something they didnt' expect. They either pay a lot for big names, or give out garbage to garbage guys. Mediocre people remain mediocre in Philadelphia (I think that's the city's motto.)

Finally, the only thing that got me marginally excited was the faint prospect that Randy Moss could sign with the birds. Sadly, entertaining this prospect is like making out with yourself. It just doesn't have a point.

The Eagles aren't going to do it, even if they have the money and it would seem to be a perfect opportunity to bring back some of the spark we saw when TO first signed with the birds. But it ain't going to happen. Why? Because the birds have decided that their offense works. Which is weird because it seems the only thing it works at doing is hurting B West, and creating a lot of great opportunities for the other team. Why would you want someone to catch touchdowns that isn't Greg Lewis (I will always despise Greg Lewis the player. I'm sure he's a nice guy... actually I'm not... but the player Greg Lewis is a punk... He makes me want to scream at the TV.

)

So in the end I hope I've helped you understand the first three days of free-agency a little better, and if not... wipe that smug look off your face.

A Picture Is Worth Even More Sandwishes Than Ever Previously Thought

I found this sign about a block away from the original sandwish location... I've come to just believe that the sandwish is the sandwich of hope... If Martin Luther King Jr. was still alive he would definitely eat sandwishes.

It is also a possibility that all the stores are making a reference to the great blues song Rubber Biscuit. I'm really not sure.

"Have you ever heard of a wish sandwich? A wish sandwich is the kind of a sandwich where you have two slices of bread and you wish you had some meat..."



If it's the latter I'm really impressed. Any Blues Brothers references are OK by me.

Esquire Magazine Thinks Men Are Dumb... And Like to Clean Their Guns on Dates

So tonight at work (cough.. I mean not at work?) I happened across the article "Things a Man Should Never Do in the Company of a Woman" from Esquire magazine. (I don't know if this is for chicks or dudes, but it sounds classy.)

Because I obviously know everything, I thought I would provide a little reality to their list. (Their stuff is in italics, mine will be next to it... if you can't figure this out you should probably get back on your medications... seriously Todd, we're all worried about you.)

Reveal how much your car cost. - Well that won't be a problem because ladies never ask after they see my ride can fly... if I flap my arms really quickly.

Clean your gun. - Well apparently this guide was written for either Charlton Heston or Stephen Jackson.

Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed). - First I thought that said Polish, as in from Poland... that would have been way cooler. I happen to agree with this premise though, because girls never seem that impressed by my second place ribbon from my one meet on the swim team.

Refer to your mother as your best friend. - But I said she's just a friend (say Oedipal complex... I dare you.)

Rap. - This is ridiculous. Sometimes I walk past the brownstones busting my Wil Ming Ton flow and ladies be jumping out of windows just to talk to me. Either that or she fell. I hope she's ok.

Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter. - Check her out of where? What if I work at a hotel? Should I not let her leave? I think that's a crime. There's nothing worse than kidnapping someone that looks that good in those pants.

Question our footwear. - See this sounds better than saying the truth. You have hideous feet.

Blow-dry your hair. - Would you prefer I be bald (Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.)

Tip less than 20 percent. - Oh just 20 percent? Why don't I tip 100%? Why don't I just give the guy cash and leave before placing my order? (Actually this one is probably reasonable... I'm just po'.)

Celebrity impressions. - Yea you say that now but wait till I bust out my Gilbert Godfried impersonation.

Impressions of us. - This sounds like gold to me. Isn't impersonation the greatest form of flattery? I don't know why in my version you have a french accent and a noticeable limp. (The limps probably because of your hideous feet.)

Forget to carry cash. - That's ok cause I just plan on knocking over a bank on the way to the bar.

Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction. - How do you flop it?

Wii. - Clearly you've never played Big Brain Academy... Jerk.

Boot and rally. - Sounds like a classy date to me. I do know a guy who thinks if you puke in front of a girl and she doesn't run she's a keeper. In my opinion if she kisses you afterwards she probably has short term memory loss.

Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. Because, no matter how much Belichick deserves it (cheater!), when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for. - But I hate that dog! It has shifty eyes. And seriously, who sees Bill Belichick while on a date other than his wife and his girlfriend... HEY OH!

Talk about former exploits. Ever. - Exploits? Who talks like that? So you're saying I shouldn't talk about that time that my best friends Brad Pitt, George Clooney and I went out on the town and then spent the night at a soup kitchen feeding the homeless. (Oh no name dropping either... I hate you.) I think Brad might have poisoned some of them, so in retrospect you guys might be right.

Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man. - Well there goes my entire vocabulary... Honestly though, if you want to date a guy who refers to a man as a tramp or a whore, he's probably hanging out with these guys.



Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!) -It's better than saying I'm going to punch you in the face. And what if we're telling you as a warning... not as a romantic gesture? Most guys want to give you the opportunity to back out, unless of course you're Sko. Then you should probably be in prison.

Find the article here.