Because I'm bored I decided to live blog the Clemens hearing. The following makes no sense, but are the general thoughts I had about the hearing... and I got bored a lot so my mind might have wandered... Here it goes.
Clemens is lying.
A moment of silence for Roger Clemens career at the beginning.
I’m enjoying the computer noises coming from the ESPN feed. It sounds like someone is playing solitaire… I hope they win.
Tom Davis’ assistant has shifty eyes. I think he might have taken HGH… ASK HIM.
Everyone is leaving for votes while this thing goes on…. I think everyone’s leaving so the public can remember what baseball attendance used to look like before drugs got involved.
Roger Clemens gives a moment for the passing of Sen. Lantos… Suck up.
Note: When saying “I’m a positive person,” don’t scream it in anger.
“I’ve tried to help anyone who crossed my path…” Weird thing to say. I’ve tried to kill anyone who crosses my path… paths shouldn’t be crossed.
Roger Clemens has realized the truth… he’s guilty.
He’s been blessed with a heart… lucky guy. I didn’t get one of those.
Steroids are not good for helping someone’s performance? Really? Huh… didn’t see that coming.
How do you prove a negative? This is deep testimony… Roger Clemens brought to you by Emerson.
Brian Girahd McNamee is shady looking dude. Smug emanates from his tie.
43 minutes in, and I’m not completely bored yet.
“I’m not proud for what I’ve done.” LAME. BE PROUD. Embrace the jackass you are.
His dad was a cop, and instilled in him that people make mistakes. Was his dad Mark Fuhrman?
GET YOUR FINGER OFF THE LENSE… GET YOUR FINGER OFF THE LENSE… PHEW. That was a close one.
Andy Petite is honest and decent. Thanks Brian, I’ll go to you from now on whenever I question someone’s character. How do you feel about Jesus. Please get back to me later. Thanks.
“… tell the truth to the best of my ability.” That is deep too. Does this mean that it might be beyond his ability to tell the truth? He is a chronic liar, he just admitted it.
His years as a NYC police officer taught him not to trust Roger Clemens. That’s a weird thing to take away from a job. My time in the NYPD taught me not to trust gerbils. Don’t ask... ok ask but I won’t tell.
“I lied to protect my friends, ballplayers… and myself, with whom I worked.”
McNamee is doing this for the kids… it’s for the kids.
Go Cummings Go Cummings Go.
Elijah also says this is for the kids… all the kids who are watching a hearing at 10:50 on a school day.
Cummings is not messing around. Grilling Roger.. THROW A BAT AT HIM ROCKET.
This hearing reminds me of Grand Central Station. People need to stop moving around.
I think Elijah should have started by asking for permission to treat Clemens like a hostile witness. I think detainees at Guantanamo are treated better then this (that is a lie.)
I don’t think Andy Petite said y’all as much as Cummings is quoting as having said. I think he’s making this whole thing up.
How great would it be if Clemens just broke down and said he did it after being grilled. He stood up pitching in the World Series, but he can’t handle questions.
“Andy and I’s friendship,” the American school system has failed you, Roger.
Add misremembers to the new awesome dictionary. Thanks Rog!
Hydroxycut=HGH according to Roger Clemens. But the commercials make it look so innocent.
Great camera work is now showing us a close up on the computer screen. I think the director of the Blair Witch Project is bringing us this shot.
Clemens is going to cry on TV… Who would watch a soap opera right now?
“I never worked out with Jason Grimsley.” How do you never work out with another pitcher on your team? Is that possible? Does everyone have their own gym in the locker-room?
Hearsay does not exist at baseball hearings. I want to know what Andy Petite’s wife’s dog remembers. Give us the TRUTH!
This is the strangest thing. Clemens refuses to insult Andy Petite and call him a liar, but he also doesn’t want Petite to be telling the truth. So he misremembers. GET A NEW WORD…. Enlighten us with your vocabumalary.
Rusty Hardin is going to cry now sitting behind Clemens. Sources say the Rocket passed gas… this story developing on the bottom line.
I don’t think anyone watching this can really believe Clemens. The guy is stuttering and stammering like he just got caught with his hand in the needle jar… and we all know that hurts.
OHHHH now the cameraman has moved so we can see Clemens and his wife in the same shot… artsy.
Mr. Cummings is done. ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR HIS BRUTAL ATTACK ON ROGER DOGER! You can collect your dignity at the door.
Tom Davis… you’re up!
His shady assistant now looks extremely confused… Where am I? Man this is some good acid.
Haha, while McNamee is talking the buzzer for a vote is going off and his lawyers are looking around like we’re under attack... “Why is no one running for the doors… if Osama comes in that door I’m outta here that’s all I’m gonna say.”
The wallpaper behind Davis looks like Zach Braff’s shirt in Garden State. I wish Tom Davis was wearing that shirt right now and all I could see was his head.
McNamee, “If you know my jargon, I did say that.” Brian has his own language? Kudos my friend. You should give your whole testimony in this fake language.
Clemens bled through his designer pants? I’m questioning that Roger Clemens wears designer pants.
“Congressman, when I’m on the mound I want an edge (Davis chuckles.)” Isn’t that admitting guilt? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING HE JUST SAID HE DID IT?!?!¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿??
I think this whole time “Can I Get A Witness" should be playing on a loop in the background.
This Jose Canseco Party must have been one heck of a shindig… can’t believe I didn’t get the invite.
Ohhhhh apparently it was a barbeque… I’m hungry for ribs. I like my steroids to come straight from the cow into which they were injected.
Uh oh, nobody but McNamee remembers Clemens being at the BBQ… Stupid Brian… is this really necessary? If you lied about this and Clemens gets away with this because you lied about this you’re an idiot.
I like that Roger Clemens was playing golf instead of going to party with his team. Classy guy that Clemens.
Someone needs to look up the transcript for McNamee’s description of the party. A woman in a pink bikini with board shorts chasing a child? This guy is either completely full of it, or has a vivid memory.
He pitched 7 innings the night before and then played a round of golf at 8 in the morning. Yea, a human’s body can stand that kind of strain…. HE IS THE TERMINATOR????
“I take vitamins every other day.” Does that seem weird to anyone else? Can Clemens not afford daily doses?
Alright, it’s 11:30 and I’m bored now… if anything else happens… well it won’t….
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